New Eltham. To the casual eye, more of a dormitory than a destination, its station a punctuation point on a long straight rail leading elsewhere. But here, Edward Mosse and I alighted in tentative April sunshine to seek out another recent addition to the Directory of Pie and Mash.

In a retail ribbon of small shops extending northwest of the crossroads, Elsie's was quickly located thanks to prominent pavement publicity.

The interior was a low-ceilinged grotto of grub, half-tiled and decorated with many of your usual pie and mash shop features. The notable standout was a chiller cabinet of assorted seafood delicacies.

Another original item was our table buddy Ian Burr, theatrical colleague of E. Mosse and unreformed Northerner, for whom a pie only has meaning when smothered in a slick of slow-moving gravy.

Mosse limbered up for the pie lifting with some bicep curls.

The traditional outlook from the South, although the small scoops of mash looked a tad forlorn. Taste notes: pie filling – reasonably flavoursome [although something of a patty]; pastry – a bit ‘thick’; mash – consistent consistency; liquor – natural and herby.

On 'The Valley' side of the shop, the Walthamstow bell-banger rubbed his rope-calloused hands with glee before assailing a three-pie pile-up.

And half term meant Ace Harvey was also at large, seen here contemplating a fulsome veggie option.

A further surprise ingredient to the mix came in the form of Big Al Smith, that wandering albatross of the Club, back from the Antipodes for a summer in Blighty.

[Far right] I think that’s a half-finished veg pie.

Both bases of the local sporting scene are covered thanks to vintage road signage under facing mirrors on either side of the shop. By standing up and addressing the opposite mirror with the chant ’No-one likes us, we don’t care’, one could easily fall into a football feedback loop of infinite receding reflections.

Above the tile line is a liberal festoonment of historical memorabilia.

Burry upheld the pie theme quite literally with his Kipling’s Coronation Specials, but these dubious delights were being held back for high tea at the National Theatre. Is this a pastry which I see before me? Take them and cut them out in little stars? – Hopefully these confections got the players through the afternoon interval, but they’re hardly the foodstuff of thespian gods.

Whilst we jesters held court, Elsie's was visited by a smattering of normal punters through the lunch hour. Hopefully this newcomer on the scene can cement its presence on Millwall and Charlton match days, as passing Footscray Road footfall is likely light for this traditional diner with its unique and cosy charm. Because of the trouble they've gone to on the decor, this is probably a nicer place to hang out and have a cuppa than anywhere else on the parade. If you're passing through, make the stop at no. 383.

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