On 17th December last, I went in search of Christmas under greysome skies with that festive fellow and man for the big occasion, Edward Mosse. From our meeting point at Mile End we wended the back streets of the old East End, and discovered the Bow Fir cheering up a small pedestrian area just off the Roman Road.

Further along that ancient, well-trodden thoroughfare there stands an ancient and well-trodden threshold. As the mosque admitted its worshippers on one side of the road so on the other Kelly’s welcomed faithful pie-grims, following their pastry star into its manger-of-mash.

‘Manger’ implies straw, sawdust and farmyard animals – a far cry from the brightly lit, white-tiled brilliance of Kelly’s operating theatre. In the current germ war, the unusual metal pole seat backs have been hygienically enhanced with tall perspex screens, giving each table a transparent cosiness of the most eerie kind. A cross between pie shop and the film set of Kubrick’s 2001, the ambience was lightened somewhat by tasteful festive frills.

Mosse dolloped some red jollop onto his stewed eels; Benford’s bowl was altogether more ‘trad’.

For the main course Ed switched his laughing gear to wide-angle. The letterbox format enables excess heat to be dissipated from both corners of the mouth whilst front loading.

That excess heat could easily be the effect of Ed’s Chunky Sriracha sauce – Encona’s take on a classic Thai condiment which originated in the coastal city of SriRacha in 1949.

Cliffs of crust, a sea of liquor, a distant isle of mash . . .

With Doug Benford as the fisher of the parsley waves.

Bright lights of the East End

[Far right] Kelly’s state-of-the-art kitchen facilities.

The heated under-counter pie parking facility.

The customer–sales interface, aka ‘the punter face’.

Kelly’s is a reliable source of traditional English sweets, these laid on with individual custard jug-ettes.

[Far right] The rhubarb crumble was pleasingly tart, as this punter’s gurn attests.

Al Smith gets custardy.

Finding the crumble utterly satisfactory, I donated my custard to Douglas so he didn’t go jugless.

If you’re a Kelly’s regular, you’ll know it’s a shop of two Leannes, one front of house, one head chef.

An aquatically-themed engraved mirror features among Kelly’s vintage wall hangings.

Three pies-men.

Thence to the outdoor beer alley of pub on the corner, the Albert, Old Ford. We met with local denizen Colin the Painter. Karl Howman he ain’t, but his well-tempered brushwork coats the interior walls of well-appointed mansions all over North London. Details available on request.

St@