For the second meet of pandemically uncertain season of 21-22, the pie and mash club made for a quarter of the metropolis not usually associated with their fare of choice.

In the endless suburbia where north west London meets Middlesex, the doughty enterprise of Hughes Pie and Mash has recently established itself at the West End Road Parade, near Ruislip Gardens tube station on the Central Line.

The handiwork of knitter-nutters Ruislip Arts and Crafts adorns every pillar box in sight.

On the broad pavement I was greeted by stalwarts Al Smith, Doug Benford, Ray Goldstone and Mike Goldwater. For Goldstone – now resident of Sussex for a couple of years – it was something of a bittersweet homecoming as pie and mash had never been a local option during his many years of Ruislip residence. For Goldwater the trip was a notable venture beyond the Edgware parish boundaries – his first appearance for the Club in some 20 months.

Once over the threshold we found ourselves illuminated uncompromisingly by overhead strip lighting – also something of a pie and mash tradition. Immaculately clean white-tiled walls added to the dazzle. The seating arrangements comprised marbletops closed in by cosy, high-backed wooden booths.

Liquor-lashed eel bites were a popular starter with the assembled crew. The usual bits and bobs associated with the grubstuff of the gods were in evidence – cruets of salt and white pepper, bottles of chilli and ordinary vinegar were all to hand.

On the left-side wall visual stimulus came in the form of a nice line of iconic film posters.

The occasion provided a rare opportunity to invite my two old friends and denizens of Ruislip, Graham ‘Hillbill’ Hilling and Deb ‘Debs’ O’Connor. Longstanding animal rights activists and advocates of veganism since the Cold War [but not the Cod War] I was able to entice them into the orbit of pie and mash with the promise of fully vegan – and fully stodgy – foodstuffs.

For reference I ordered myself a meat pie and soya mince pie side by side – adding to the confusion our sudden influx caused counterside. The vegan vehicle compared favourably, with a flavoursome tang and convincingly meaty texture which might fool the casual pie puncturer.

Classic scenes from the, er, golden age of the silver screen. Plus Kenny Dalglish.

The scene was captured through multiple lenses.

Beyond the bulbous bonce of Statto [far right] is a Union Jack bearing the legend ‘02.05.20 Hughes Pie and Mash’ commemorating the opening of the shop bang in the middle of the first national lockdown. As the framed poster opposite reads, ‘If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission.’

Is revenge sweet? It’s certainly a dish best served with custard. What you see here is Goldwater’s ‘School Cake’ and Smith’s Treacle Pud.

Benford’s STP was ‘highly recommended’ – but shush, don’t tell everyone.

A pair of Lonsdale Pie Pummellers.

With an incoming birthday for yours truly, Mike picked out a thoughtful gift – a packet of eel-flavoured corn snacks. In a taste tussle between those two there’s only going to be one winner - cheese.

We managed to lure our pieman Paul into the broad light of day.

Opposite the flag of the nation is an autographed QPR FC shirt which is a nod towards the West London Pie and Mash tradition and acknowledgement of the shop’s popularity with outlying Rangers fans who like to ‘park, pie and ride’ the tube into Shepherds Bush for home games.

A full frontal shot of 280 West End Road. It was a highly satisfying trip to the suburbs for the venturers of the Pie and Mash Club.

Thence a ten-minute walk along Yeading Brook to this oasis of refreshment The Black Bull. This sporting life.

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