A full twelve rounds of competition was completed for Season 21-22 just days before midsummer. With the noonday heat in excess of 30C, it was probably the hottest fixture in Club history.

I approached Greenwich Market with a queasy mix of anticipation and trepidation, wondering how many would show in these demanding climactic conditions. The motley crew of lightly dressed pie and mashers loitering on the threshold of Goddards laid my doubts to rest.

Herewith staunch stalwarts of recent seasons, Alan Smith and Ray Goldstone, enjoying the fleshly delights of the eel course.

Stewed or jellied. Regular viewers will recognise the mark of Statto on the latter. In this case ‘Cholula Original’.

Karen Ramos and Harry Limby, aka The Bongonauts, joined the show.

A pie in the sky view of [l-r] Kieran Guilbert, Terry ‘More is More’ Moore and Mike Goldwater.

Paul Gale, Rueben Diaz and Steve Biondini.

[Far right] Ray Goldstone and Colin Price in full locomotion.

Mike Goldwater’s pie pile-up included one of Goddard’s many specials, here denoted by the pastry diamond. In Mike’s words, ‘the Chilli Pie was quite scrumptious, with its minced chilli filling – a good alternative to your traditional p&m pie’.

His journalistic pad laid aside, ace human rights reporter Kieran Guilbert pitched in gamely with fork and spoon while dispersing clouds of steam. There is a persuasive argument for pie and mash as a human right.

Price’s technique looked altogether more practised.

Your statistician took a low carbohydrate approach to the proceedings with jellied eels, a humble pie and liquor.

Mike G, poised.

Moore the Merrier.

Steve Biondini makes the first cut into his vegetarian combo.

The back room at Goddards has proved to be an excellent club venue over the years; on this day it was surprisingly cool and comfortable despite the high summer conditions.

When Harry met Karen – well, I didn’t ask, but wouldn’t it make an excellent title for a Hollywood road trip romance set in a ‘recreational vehicle’? Karen’s no stickler for tradition, as you can see from those beans. And the pie was lamb and rosemary.

A Greenwich grub gathering wouldn’t be complete without a grin from the guvnor Jeff Goddard at the stable door.

Despite the rising mercury, the atmosphere remained hospitable enough to countenance a dessert course. Hot pie with a scoop of ice cream was a popular pairing.

Time to digest and digress while the day’s stats are ground up, processed and the final league standings determined. It was to be the Club’s first awards ceremony since May 2019.

Wooden spoon for overall worst average over two meets or more went to Linda Jones. Karen sportingly accepted the dubious honour on her behalf.

Ray Goldstone dribbled for the Pie and Mash League . . . but didn’t come third. Although Ray wore the tight-necked bib with dignity, the award in fact belongs to Doug Benford, with an unremarkable 128 points from 9 meetings.

Doug was pipped to second spot by a single extra point in favour of surprise silver spooner Al Smith. Al unwittingly earned a podium place for the first time in a long career of under-achievement.

Mike Goldwater presented your grinning scrivener with the RCP III [Realistic Clay Pies 3] Trophy for the overall championship.

The vinegary taste of success. Charalambous’s 550-point devastation of Season 11-12 was likely a high water mark, but even with a meagre final tally of 189 from 12, it’s still possible to be a winner in this league. Thus proving the adage, ’It’s all about being there’.

Jo, Jeff and Theresa. Friendly and familiar faces are the sign of a successful enterprise.

Post-pie pavement pic.

Down the passage went we to the Coach & Horses for analysis and beer. In case you were wondering, Kieran Guilbert was garnering material for a forthcoming article on the state of pie and mash in one of the broadsheets – something of a departure for the widely read human rights journalist. As it happens, they canned it, but he eventually found a home for it behind an online paywall at The Roost. Which is good news for Guilbert as it keeps him in dinner tokens.

In searing post-meridian temperatures, several of the company crossed the prime meridian in search of an exotic oasis . . .

. . . The Plume of Feathers at 19 Park Vista.

It was a day to stay in the shade and close to the taps.

St@