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These
are not complicated. The idea is to leave a clean plate, and this must
be achieved at the table – no takeouts allowed. 'Squirrelling' could
result in expulsion. Barfing means a straight zero for that session –
we're not that heartless – but please do it in the bog or outside
the shop. Points are awarded per portion as follows:
-
Eels
= 5 points -
Pie
= 4 points -
Mash
= 3 points (in some shops, one portion is two 'scoops' or 'scrapes') -
Afters
= 2 points (this could be fruit pie and custard, but if you eat the
pie and leave the custard you will be penalised) -
Liquor
= 1 point If
you leave a portion, you will not only NOT SCORE for that item, but you
will also be penalised by the corresponding amount of points.
-
For
example, say you order 1 eels, 2 pies, 2 mash and 1 liquor and finish
it all, you would score: (1x5)+(2x4)+(2x3)+(1x1) = 20 - But, if you
leave a bit of mash and some liquor, you would score: (1x5)+(2x4)+(0x3)+(-1x1)
= 12
- Or, if you
leave some eels:
(-1x5)+(2x4)+(2x3)+(1x1) = 10 No points are
awarded for cups of tea, fizzy drinks, exotic condiments, confectionery,
etc. Under very exceptional circumstances, you may be able to score from
a remote location on the day of a meeting. Criteria as follows:
- You must provide
the club with at least a week's notice
- The venue
must be a pukka pie and mash retail outlet
- You must provide
the club with photographic evidence plus an itemised bill, authenticated
and signed by a member of staff
Penalty for a
ringing mobile phone is 5 points. Put it on 'silent' or even better, switch
it off, you hooligan – this is a social occasion. Remember
that the Pie & Mash Club’s high standards of etiquette and decorum
must be upheld at every sitting. |
