Take me home please
Clark's, 46 Exmouth Market
Season 2009-2010

ROUND 5
18.12.'09

played
eels (4)
pie (4)
mash (3)
afters (2)
liquor (1)
sum
total
NICK EVANS
5
1
3
1
0
1
20
97
BEN HAYES
5
0
3
1
0
1
16
80
JASON SHARP
5
0
2
2
0
1
15
75
TERRY CECIL
4
1
3
1
0
2
21
71
ANTHONY RUELLO
4
0
3
1
0
1
16
71
DOMINIC MATTOS
4
0
3
1
0
1
16
67
ALAN TERRY
4
0
2
2
0
2
16
67
DAVID ARKLE
3
1
4
2
0
2
28
63
LEN WILCOCK
2
0
5
3
0
2
31
61
EDWARD MOSSE
5
0
1
0.5
0
1
6.5
54.5
SCOTT CECIL
3
           
52
TOM LEADER
2
           
51
ANDY POTTER
3
0
2
2
0
2
16
46
TONY CHUNG
3
           
39
JONATHAN PHILLIPS
2
           
35
DANIEL BOUQUET
2
0
2
2
0
1
15
34
RICHARD LUCAS
2
0
3
2
0
1
19
34
LUKE ROBERTS
2
           
33
GRAHAM DARLOW
1
           
32
ALAN SMITH
2
1
1
1
0
1
12
24
JULIAN HITCHENS
1
           
15
UNCLE JIM
1
           
15
THOMAS KRAFT
1
           
12
REHAN QAYOOM
1
0
2
1
0
1
12
12
JOE OLIVENNES
1
           
11.5
AUNTY JAN
1
           
11
JUDITH DESCHAMPS
1
           
8

The festive pie trip certainly had an Ex-factor as Edward Mosse held aloft a musical offering from this year's X-Factor Champ, Joe McElderry, atop the bus to Ex-mouth Market. His ex-planation that it was a gift for his sister was met with scepticism. Or puzzlement.

Our party had to sidestep a loitering panto yule mule before joining with be-mufflered colleagues on the forecourt to number 46.

Interestingly, the hoarding opposite asserted that proto-panto-clown Joe Grimaldi inhabited the Market from 1818 to 1828, serving him well for nearby Sadler's Wells. Many of his routines were finely honed whilst in the queue for pie and mash, and our colleague Dominic Mattos couldn't resist upholding a fine tradition.

Each of these can do a turn at the drop of a [flat] cap. Which item in Edward's case contains '10% soil'.

In the aft booths I encountered long-standing Friday lunchtime regulars Kate and Irene enjoying a lovely cuppa.

After a satisfying chowdown, the happy chaps pictured [far right] were in reflective mood.

Clubbers Terry, Bouquet, Lucas and Smith were in the first wave and feasting on some 'scorchers' when we finally got inside the front door. Despite resembling the contents of a coal scuttle, Lucas 'was honestly quite pleased' with the quality of his comestibles.

D. Bouquet, basking in the refective afterglow.

Since last we saw him, Big Al Smith has developed a most excellent soup strainer - and it's not even for charity. I think it lends him more authority than, er, the Greater London Authority. Now his baseball committments are winding down, how about Big Al for mayor? We could use someone with gumption and tidy facial hair to get London back on track. [Open to applicants of any sex.]

Meanwhile at the front of the shop a controversy was brewing over the size of Len's pies. You see, Clark's produce a standard size pie and a small size for children, and there is an unwritten rule that eating the latter constitutes 'ungentlemanly conduct'. Wilcock was vociferous in his own defence, but keen to foil photographic evidence.

 

We were honoured with the presence of Piet Laureate Rehan Qayoom, whose pastry prose since gaining the post has been insubstantial – one might say flaky. After lunch we saw him head off to browse the 'book shops' of the West End, in search of his muse like a true 'Desperate Romantic'.

Continuing the great British panto theme, publisher and performer-of-note Dominic Mattos will be appearing in Aladdin from 15th January till 17th January, just beyond the end of Southend Pier...in Luxembourg. Would you believe, it's a 'Joyous Pie Production'?

And we thought Andrew Potter was anointing the styrofoam with seasonal spirit and a pledge to nourish the poor and needy of old London Town. But no, this smoothie's recipient was a certain female colleague. With a sprig of mistletoe, his Christmas Box could prove irrestible:

See twinkle in fair damsel's eye
As you give the gift of take-out pie

We settled into the Exmouth Arms, pondering Terry Cecil's enterprising initiative for his local footbal club some years ago; attaching money to the club fanzine bearing the legend 'satisfaction guaranteed or our money back'.

Now there's an idea . . .

St@tto Claus