Take me home please

Clark's, 46 Exmouth Market
Season 2005-2006

ROUND 10
31.03.'06

Played
Eels
(5 pts)
Pie
(4 pts)
Mash
(3 pts)
Afters
(2 pts)
Liquor
(1 pts)
Subtotal
Total
NICK EVANS
10
2
2
1
0
1
22
203
RICHARD LUCAS
9
2
3
1
0
2

27

194.5
TOM LEADER
6
145
BEN HAYES
6
90
BOB HOLLINGSWORTH
5
0
2
1.5
0
1
13.5
85.5
JAMIE TANNER
3
0
3
1
0
1
16
52.5
TONY CHUNG
4
51
ALAN SMITH
3
31
MATTHEW LOWING
2
24
EDWARD MOSSE
2
           
17
CHRIS FAGG
2
16
CYRIL GOIN
1
8
RUSSELL HANDY
1
8
JILL CROPPER
1
           
8
GEETA MEHTA
1
           
8
NEIL BURKEY
1
           
5.5
CLAIRE KELLY
1
           
-8
GABRIELLA PAGE-FORT
1
           
-8

 

The hordes of visitors to this website will need no introduction to Clark's of Exmouth Market, as it has been 'home trough' for the Pie and Mash Club since the last millennium. However our trip there this lunchtime was bereft of one of the most familiar faces from behind the counter – the lovely Lily, who was forced to retire earlier this year due to ill health. Her unflustered delivery and dry wit will be missed by us all, so please join me in wishing her a long and happy retirement.

As we were placing our orders we were greeted by a posse of pie-hunters who had just finished their lunch. As I publish, Hank, Karl and pals have yet to furnish us with their photographic evidence, so I have not been able to get them on the scoresheet.

Our discussions this day were technologically flavoured; it must have been the flat screen monitor on the top deck of the 341 bus that started us off. So nice to have the option of either looking out of the window or watching live footage of the inside of the bus for the duration of the ride. But are we not in danger of being unable to distinguish the 'real' from the 'virtual' I ask? In my chilling future vision, bus windows will be replaced by huge LCD displays of idyllic sun drenched panoramas, with subliminal messages exhorting us to buy 'GM soya ready meals' from M & S. Whilst we download illicit 'archive' footage of the 341 bus journey from Waterloo to Northumberland Park Tesco's, for surreptitious viewing on our pod-fones.

Bob Hollingsworth's slick invention for the day was the 'i-shit', an ingenious office space saver which combines rugged, splashproof keypad with ergonomic toilet seat and swivelling oval TFT monitor/lid. (Eject = flush). Via digital 'bluetooth' technology, printing would be enabled via a traditional wall-mounted paper dispenser, though 'glossy' would not be recommended for dual applications.

 

In tomorrow's world, future generations will marvel in astonishment at the primitive provender consumed at one of these 'pi-shops'. To the right is a close-up of the real minced beef filling found inside each baked pastry unit. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what price a gobful of pie?

On the far right, a close-up of the rudimentary metal implements necessary for the pre-digestion of the primitive foodstuffs. Observe the technique this neanderthal has perfected to collect the viscous substance known as 'liqor' onto his pronged tool. How quaint!

St@